My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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