We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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