I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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