just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
