remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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