if you like me you must not know who I am
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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