everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
