At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
