i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
