Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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