Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
