$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
