dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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