I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
