Your dad touched me again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
