i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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