Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
