the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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