I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
