what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
