She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
