i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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