I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
