What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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