I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
