If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Houston, we have a blender
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
