fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
