I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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