I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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