I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
