so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
