did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize