would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
