he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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