Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
