Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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