I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
