OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
