I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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