dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sarcasm needs its own font
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
