dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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