Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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