i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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