Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
