girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
