It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
