I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
