I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
