Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
