Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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