It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
