Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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