No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
