im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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