guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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