i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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