No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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