wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize