The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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