I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
