The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
