i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
