My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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