i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
