can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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