Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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