I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
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