we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
