i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
