so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
