Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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