RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
