um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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