how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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