Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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