They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Houston, we have a blender
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
