she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
