Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
