Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's always time for handjobs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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