OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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