We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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