After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
