he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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